"Storm" Lifehouse

Hi blogger universe...
i have bn out of touch for a little while. dont know that it really matters. but anyways. my head feels like it is full of crap. u knw i try so hard now to stay away from temptation. i only have one cell phone and i dont keep it during the day when i am at work my husband does so that i can get in touch with him while i am at work, we dont have a land line. and i keep it to one phone bc if i give the number to anyone that i think might tell my husband something than i dont give it out to them. it keeps me from doing stupid stuff bc i cant talk to the other person. i cant even *69 so the other person doesnt see the number. i hv to keep myself very limited. so the affairs dont start up again. hv i found ways around this.... yes well bc its my nature to do so. i am very sly. very. i guess in a way the people that i attract r exactly like me. which is funny for me to say that bc its like i finally started realizing this recently and they say it over and over again in meetings. but no matter how many times u hear something it doesnt matter until ur mind accepts it. i dont know if that makes sense but trust me it is true. so i guess i finally accepted that they are like me. the worst part of that though is knowing the type of people that they are and knwing that i have those tendencies. its really scary. sociopath is what my therapist calls my qualifier. wow. a liar that has no concious. so a while back i did take this path and started wondering if maybe my therapist thought that i was a sociopath.. i asked him. he said no but i dont believe him. bc in my heart. i know its true about me bc that is what i attract. and my past leans toward being a sociopath. except i do feel some regret. but i can lie. very well. its really scary. and i look like a sweet innocent girl. books def cannot b judged by there covers. trust me. the person sitting beside u is prob full of secrets. a little black box. we all are just waiting to open and release. there is a little of it in each of us. there is no possible way to get through life without some sort of trama affecting a moment in ur life. whether it happened to u directly or to someone around u. it affected u and it is waiting. and we all have a liar in us.
i fell again this morning. this really sucks. as hard as i try i keep falling. i fell a couple of weeks ago too. i just dont know how to stop. i say every time. there will not be another time. i am letting my family down. in truth though i am letting myself down. its horrible. i am horrible. i dont know. i just need time to disconnect and i will b fine. :) just keep smiling.
i hate people that hv bn in my life.